Afterthoughts
by Guardian Angel
Summary: Logan's thoughts after "Blah Blah, Woof Woof." Contains spoilers!


**Afterthoughts**  
By Guardian Angel (eyes_only1@yahoo.com)

**Setting:** Immediately after "Blah Blah Woof Woof."

**Spoilers:** For "Blah Blah Woof Woof."

**Rating:** PG-13, for a few minor swear words.

**Disclaimer:** I don't own 'em in any way...just felt the need to play with them a little after last night's episode!

**Notes:** Don't worry, this doesn't mean I'm giving up on When Dreams Become Reality (thanks for the great reviews, by the way, more is coming as soon as I can manage it!). I just had to get this little bit out of my system after last night, otherwise I'd never be able to concentrate on trig homework! :-) Reviews are, as always, appreciated.

Also, please keep in mind that this was just my interpretation of the last little scene, there are so many ways to view it... ;-) As always, just take it for what it's worth! 

Many thaks to Mandy for her help with beta reading this little fic!

*****

Logan watched her walk out of the room, on her way back to work. With a sigh, he jerked the pulse-oxygen monitor off his finger as he allowed the disappointment he was feeling to float across his face, his eyes going solemn.

__

It's for the better, I know. As Zack told me, I'm a liability to her; I know this. Hell, she proved just exactly how much of a liability I am, returning to the city when she heard I was in trouble. If it weren't for the fact that Zack turned himself in...

I hate the fact that I put her in danger; I still can't believe what she risked to come back to me. But at the same time I can't help but be glad, because it means she does really care. I used to wonder just how deep her feelings for me ran; now I think I have some idea. Even if she does refuse to deal with the kiss. Then again, that's probably for the better. I don't think either of us is capable of exploring the deeper meaning in that right now. We both have too much baggage to carry around. 

Still, it was the hardest damn thing I've ever done, telling her to go. Watching her walk away from me, with the taste of her still lingering in my mouth, the scent of her still surrounding me, the feel of her hair in my hands. It was more than just physical, though I must admit, that alone packed quite a punch. If it was just physical we both would be able to shrug it off as inconsequential, but I felt the emotion she poured into that kiss. The longing and desperation, the sadness. If she hadn't understood what I didn't say, understood that if she didn't leave right then, I probably would have given into the emotions that were racing between us. I would have begged her not to leave me, to wait for me to recover from the surgery, or to just take me with her then, consequences be damned. Gods...Who ever would've thought?

The pensive look on his face gave way to a small smile as the next thought occurred to him.

__

She was humming the music. The music from the car...and from the dream. I know it should be an impossibility, but I can't help but wonder. Did she experience the dream too? It just seemed a little too real to be just me, though I probably just being silly. Either way, it was a lovely dream. Maybe one day it will actually happen. Maybe one of these days I'll actually be able to walk again...to dance with her.

I remember the look on her face when she asked what the music was in the car. She understood perfectly, hearing the sadness that underscored the hauntingly beautiful melody. Most people wouldn't have been able to hear it. I should have known she would. I think she even understood why I felt the need to play that particular piece - to indulge in the sadness I was feeling at the prospect of losing her forever. No matter what happens in the future, I know that song will always have a special meaning to me from now on. How could it not?

She back, now. I don't know for how long, since Lydecker knows what she looks like and where she's likely to be. This little setback won't hold him forever. I wonder how much longer I'll have her before she's forced to go on the run again? What if next time, there's no Zack to save her? I don't think I could live with myself if I were the cause of her capture. Even so, knowing this, I can't help but be relieved, even overjoyed that she is back. That she didn't leave me; run off with Zack. I know it's hideously selfish of me, but I just can't help it. It was bad enough thinking that for just one night, I'd never see her again. That the kiss in the car was goodbye.

All I can hope for right now is that Lydecker holds off long enough for me to regain the use of my legs. Despite what I told Bling - that there were a thousand different reasons why I couldn't go with her - if I could have walked, I know I would have gone with her. Damn the reasons why I shouldn't. I don't think I would have had the willpower to say no when she asked me to come with her. Zack woulda had a fit if I'd decided to come along. I know he was delighted at the prospect of having Max to himself, but she chose me. Stupid, I know, to find pride in that when she risked her life to do so. But, there it is. When it comes to Max, I can never claim to be smart.

I guess there's really no use in me beating myself up for what's already happened. I really should concentrate on getting better so I will be able to go with her next time.

Because, even though we both claimed the kiss meant nothing, I know it did, and someday...someday we'll deal with it. Someday, we'll have more. 


End file.
